Relationships

Wouldnt it be horrible to meet someone, date for a period of time, marry, and then find out they there is no compatibility? Sure, during dating you learn many things about each other, but there are some things you dont find out until well after the wedding is over. Going through a pre-marriage counseling class or book can help couples find out just how compatible they are.

Check Compatibility before It s to Late
What is the most surprising thing you learned about your significant other after you were married and living together? Have you ever thought, What have I got myself into? Compatibility is a key ingredient for a lasting relationship.

Honesty is a great way for a couple to find compatibility. When couples begin to date they want to make a good impression and sometimes, in trying to, they forget to be their real selves. A false impression of yourself can bring damage down the road to your relationship. By pretending you are someone you arent or liking something you dont, you can give your partner a false sense of compatibility.

Several marriage counseling books will have a section or chapter on compatibility. With a provided list of situations and items and of common areas of compatibility, a couple can see how many areas in which they are actually compatible. Some of the areas will seem silly like where to vacation, what temperature to keep the house, and who will do the grocery shopping. Other areas are more serious, like children, religion, and time spent with family. Opposites do attract, but there needs to be some compatibility somewhere.

Couples get alarmed when they have a conflict in their marriage. Yes, conflicts are serious, but the real issue is how the conflict is handled. There will be times when finding the reasoning for the conflict is not as important as finding the resolve of the conflict.

What Causes Conflicts in Relationships
Being in a relationship takes sacrifices from both individuals. When one is not willing to make sacrifices for the other, or the relationship, there are sure to be conflicts. Learning to do or go without for someone special is a great way to help keep conflict out of a relationship.

A lack of trust will bring conflict to any relationship whether it is with a spouse, family member, or coworker. When the idea trust has been weakened between two people the entire relationship will experience conflict. For example, if trust was broken over finances the one who feels there is a lack of trust will carry those feelings into other areas of the relationship.

Conflicts seem to occur when there is a misunderstanding or a lack of communication. If you have a relationship where there seems to be an abundance of conflict you need to examine your lines of communication. Learning to be a listener and good communicator can eliminate many present and future conflict opportunities.

To be good at anything you need certain skills. You wouldnt visit a doctor that is not skilled in his practice would you? What about taking your car to a mechanic that didnt have any skills in car repair? This same principle applies to relationships. If you want to succeed in your relationship it will take good relationship skills.

Skills to Improve Your Relationship
One of the greatest skills in having a good relationship is being a good listener. People by nature are not good listeners. Being a good listener means you listen completely to what is said and then respond accordingly. You might be surprised by the number of relationships that go sour because couples cant listen to each other.

Having compassion is another great relationship skill. For men, this is one of the harder skills to acquire. Men have a tendency to think if they show compassion they will be seen as being weak or girly. The response a man will receive will actually be quite the opposite. Women are more responsive to a man that is willing to show compassion about them and their interests.

It takes many skills to make a relationship work. Sometimes the thought of this is overwhelming. Will I ever be able to make it in a relationship? Will I know what to say or do? Most of the time no one will obtain every relationship skill, but having the willingness to learn these skills will take you a long ways in your relationship.

For a marriage to be saved there has to be an acknowledgment that the marriage is actually in jeopardy. It will also take willingness from both parties involved to save the marriage. No matter how willing one person might be there will have to be some trace of willingness from the other person for the marriage to be saved.

First Steps in Saving a Marriage
Once a couple has acknowledged the marriage is in need of saving there are some initial steps that can be taken to start the salvation process. First, finding the origin of the problem can help find the end of the problem. Many times in a relationship one of the persons involved will get their feelings hurt and the one that did the hurting isnt even aware the other is suffering. The feelings of the hurt party can begin to turn to anger and by the time the situation is addressed it can seem too late to be fixed. However, when the initial incident is addressed the healing process can begin.

The second thing a couple can do to help save their marriage is respond properly to the problems in their marriage. They can try to work on the issues themselves or they might need to seek a trained professional. Marriage counselors have a wealth of knowledge to help couples in crisis. They can offer marriage saving techniques and tools to bring restoration back to their union.

For religious couples, consulting a member of the clergy is another great way to salvage a marriage. Many clergy through their studies, reading, and hands on experience have volumes of knowledge and practices to help a marriage that is struggling. Having knowledge of the problem and possibly even the origin, there still has to be a starting point. If the couple never starts the process of saving their marriage there will not be a marriage to save.

There are many people who have issues with self-esteem. People who struggle with self-esteem can find themselves having esteem issues in their marriage. Unfortunately someone with low self-esteem can become someone who is taken advantage of or even abused.

Vulnerability of Someone with Low Self-Esteem
When someone already has a tendency to think negatively about themselves, it is easier for someone else to think the same thing. People with self-esteem issues really need to guard themselves from being taken advantage of or mistreated. If they dont think highly of themselves, no one else will either.

Many people look to others for their self-esteem or self-worth. What makes someone a person of importance or value does not have anything to do with what others think or say about him or her. If a person is someone of character and integrity they dont need anyone else to validate who they are. Knowing the kind of person they are inside should encourage them to have positive self-esteem about themselves.

Our pasts contribute so much to who we are in the present. There are many people who struggle with self-esteem problems because of past abuse. Trained psychologists can help people work through their past sorrows and abuses and help them find their self-worth. There are also several books and other great resources available for self-esteem improvement.